Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

- Okay, look. Wait a second. - I wish I could help.

Why is he backing up? Why's there a lawnmower on the trunk?

It's a gift. From some drug dealer who went missing.

The feeling was, indescribable.

What are you doing in my room?

They should be back by now.

I thought you wanted me to grow up.

Not a problem, man. I got your back.

I'm sorry, who are you?

You all right, Chris? You all right, buddy?

Hold on. I can't do this right now. It's my dad's funeral.

Uh, me, Kick-Ass?

Miranda Swedlow.

First, you almost get me killed, then you stand me up.

I'm not gonna find any, ninja blades, or throwing stars under your bed?

Are you scared you're never gonna grow into your big boy pants?

Okay, Captain Muffin-muncher. Have fun playing make-believe.

I don't get it. This obsession that you have with revenge is not healthy.

I gotta Tweet about this.

Where the hell are you going?

Are you sure I should be doing this without my gear?

Who is this guy? And what's his problem with us?

No, I got my lethal Zero-G device.

I promise I'll pay better than Chuck Little Dick Liddell!

- She didn't blow him. Look at her. - Then what? Rimjob? Handjob? Fingerbang?

It's a last resort. Like, if all else fails and you're about to die.

Christopher, you've got to stop obsessing over this superhero!

Chris D'Amico, dead.

I wanted to do good.

I mean, how do you go from that to being a superhero?

If Brooke wants a pet, she should just get a dog.

So the safest place for Kick-Ass is right here, locked away.

Hit-Girl. That's not who you are.

Just beat them at their own game.

You got my soup?

Everybody's just too afraid of your uncle Ralph to take the job.

Don't worry. I kill you first.

How am I supposed to face them tomorrow?

No, you're gonna be the one that gets the awesome manicure.

It didn't matter that no one else knew. We knew.

- Shut up! - Yeah.

I mean, apologetic isn't a word I'd use to describe you.

I can't believe you pulled a gun on that guy.

In the two years since the first ordinary citizens donned capes and masks,

Please, just make him stop! Please!

Now help me find some pliers. I'm gonna make this guy eat his own dick.

- We did it. - Fuck, yeah.

No one's gonna recognize them once they're back in their street clothes.

- You're not telling anyone? - No!

How else was I gonna get you to stop calling?

We know where TheMotherfucker's hiding.

Oh... and try to have fun.

Everybody else, spread out, catch some strays.

- Man, am I glad to see you. - Is there anything I can do to help, sir?

Can you believe I let Mindy beat the snot out of me for weeks

So now you wanna tell me where you really were today?

Marcus, I know I made you a promise.

Chris, you need to forget that punk.

Put the word out. I'm building an evil army.

We are Kami Gang

Simon... You can drive us.

I guess evil dick feels limp.

I thought we were trying to make it a better place.

Help us make the streets safe.

Everything okay?

God! Will you hurry up?

He blew up Dad with a bazooka, for fuck's sake!

They just disappeared?

I was the first superhero to go public.

- I'm the whitest pimp ever. - That's the idea!

How did you say this guy made his money, sir? Prostitution?

I can't go home. I can't put Marcus in that position.

- I'm sorry. - Woah! Can't you knock?

Shit! Oh, you broke my leg!

Start the car! Go, go, go, go, go! Fuck!

I... volunteered for your army, like the others.

Hey, queer bait.

That you would take care of me.

So, yeah, I'm damn sure.

I chose this. You should let me deal with the consequences.

I am gonna shit on everything that he loves.

as long as we were picking up litter, or helping old ladies cross the street.

- for you to touch yourself. - Jesus, Dad, get out!

Something right.