Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Boo! You suck at this!

Fuck you for making me bald.

You know, I couldn't, unless I had some sort of...

You Oughta Know. Feelin' Like Teen Spirit.

Adam! Have you seen Lou?

Every day's a seance, baby. Every day's a seance.

We did it in front of the mirror.

No, that was the third greatest moment of my life.

No, they broke up before I was even born.

- That'd be fucked up. - Touch me, you filthy vagrant.

so why have any fun tonight at all?

You have no idea.

I mean, this is exactly the sort of thing that he needs.

We get blackout drunk, we hallucinate,

It's guy on guy, girl on girl.

he should still be dead.

No. Scratch that.

What's he doing here?

I just want to go somewhere, just you and me.

I know, Brad. I didn't mean to fuckin' lose it.

(SINGS PARODY OF MELANCHOLIC POP SONG)

Hey, why don't you make like a fuck off and get out of here?

No, why would someone write that book?

You blew half of Pittsburgh before your bachelorette party.

What do you think?

MAN: Don't listen to anything he says.

- (BEEPS) - Yeah, well, guess what?

who fucked Lex Luthor.

MALE ANNOUNCER: Get ready for mischief, mayhem,

- Oh, my God! - How did you even do that?

Chuck Zito? That motherfucker!

Oh, that's actually not bad.

before he goes back in time and kills Lou!

maybe this summer, you know, I come work with you at Lougle?

That's what it is.

I had a Passat follow me around for three weeks one time.

Look, you're gonna like this me a lot better.

Adam? What'd he do, have a light lunch and a spa day?

- It's 2015. - Shut the fuck up!

About time someone manned up and shot the bastard.

NARRATOR: One fateful ski trip in 1986

You saw it. I'm a disaster.

Yeah, I think so, too, Lou. Thanks.

I know what it's like to feel unappreciated,

Who will the lucky winner be?

We got a murder to solve here, huh?

I'm going to shoot you in the dick

My pleasure, son.

I remember when I first heard that stupid song. I was like,

It's midnight Everybody strut right now

Alternate universe. Like Fringe.

Nice skirt, by the way.

I'm Arthur Miller.

Arnold's hand gets chopped off in the past,

- Hey. - Oh, hey.

MAN: Yeah. Touch up his nipples, please.

Hey, is it still day out there?

No time to explain. Follow me.

And now that he's gone, I can't help but feel...

if it's actin' funny.

I'm bored by this shit.

Where does it say in the Shitty Parent's Handbook to treat your son like shit?

so they're traveling to the lowest part of his body,

That's a good one.

But you guys can introduce us.

- Lou, what are you doing? - Lou, get out of the road.

Weren't you listening to my speech, dude?

Because fireworks make me want to puke, and you know that.

- Come on! We want some new ideas! - WOMAN: Eat a bunch of waffles!

This is so smooth, I don't think I went bald.

Waffles, waffles. It's a neck-and-neck with...

Oh, God. I can't believe that son of a bitch stole my idea.

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.

This is gonna get worse before it gets better.

It's in the ether.

Let me do this! I got this!

Hey, bite down on this. Good. Okay.

I think it was when my nephew from the future

Did you change?

I mean bad like the part of Boogie Nights

I'm actually getting married tonight, so I can't.

Me! Me! I did it! I chose it!

(SIGHS) Jacob, I know what you're going through.

Start making things right.

Yeah, you're getting married for the rest of your life,

That's how we got nitro?

- It's self-driving. - What?

Oh, this is a great call.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Shit! It's bad! Somebody call an ambulance!

You gotta choose someone, Lou.

This lady right here.

Life is fucking weird, you know?

and inappropriate, what we're doing. You're welcome, Mom and Dad.

Honey, we found our mini-cake bites.

Do you think she and I are gonna be okay?

Have you ever felt like your entire life was a fraud?

For one, they're fit and handsome and you're neither of those things.

Obviously not the direction of the song, right?

Since it happened in the future,

Quick juggling and make some fucking drinks!

I made a lot of mistakes. I've taken advantage.

That's your fucking plan here?

Do you think I can make that dumpster, guys?

But in that moment, everything became clear to me.

You'd figure after 10 years, something would be different, right?

Yeah, in so many ways. But, listen,

I get this shit.

Okay, this has gone on long enough.

the universe has to offer at our fingertips

Are you ready for the ride of your fucking life?

Yeah. Crazy, right?

I'm just happy that you guys are happy.

He was beating the shit out of me!

What I would do is spike his morning cocktail with a potent sedative

First order of business,

What are the, uh, house rules here?

You look like... Kevin Yardley!

He didn't invent Goo... Lougle.

I left my phone back in the 1800s.