Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

I'm sick of everybody fighting.

Hey, how funny would it be if I bought your house?

Oh. Pete wouldn't know what to do with that.

Charlotte, put that down.

He's coming, he's coming. Oreo Man is coming.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

No, Debbie's not really into selling the house.

And this is what people buy.

then I'm gonna have to take away your phone and your computer.

That is so insane, it kind of makes sense.

I wish my fucking foot would go right through your skull.

You know, I actually made this one myself.

I know everything. I talked to the accountant.

He doesn't seem happy.

That was deeply uncomfortable.

(SINGING ALONG)

How did that happen?

Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh.

That's good news.

Oh. We are on time.

Yeah, I'm ready to help. Just tell me what to do.

We were on the way to the doctor's office.

Ready to just choose joy and forgive everybody.

I would enjoy our last few months together. Me too.

How do I call eBay?

Kids! Time to go!

Be right back. Okay.

That's what everybody did. You did some blow, had sex, had an abortion.

And I feel bad for the kid.

These might be my very last words.

I'm sure Oliver would agree. Well...

This place can be quiet.

I like it, and I think Graham Parker's sexy.

This is what happens when you corner a rat.

and I would not know what the object was.

Look, I saw you have two babies, okay?

What are you doing?

(CHUCKLES) What a mess.

I'm trying to fuck you.

ACCOUNTANT: (ON PHONE) And then you missed the mortgage payment,

Do you know why we're missing money at the store?

You don't get it. See, you don't understand how it works.

I'm dead! You're dead! You're dead!

No. What he said to me was... He called me an iCunt.

You're a blast to dance with.

In fact, if you insult my wife again, you know what I'm gonna do?

Is there something that you can do to be helping me right now?

Ah. So, you were expecting it to sell?

Yes, because you spent thousands of dollars on shit we don't need.

Please don't put a pillow over my face.

Turn around, turn around, turn around!

All the pressure is on the guy.

I'm sorry about the record.

Is that what you want me to say? You happy?

I know, I am a dick sometimes.

I'm faster than you!

Absolutely. It's gotta be peaceful.

Who wants to be killed? I do!

I mean, there's no way I could. Why?

Paul McCartney. Okay. Stop it.

That's nice. Come on in. Sure.

some of the clothes that we have in the store?

Say it again. Bodies by Jason.

I was there. I'm the one who took your mother to the hospital.

I know, I know. PETE: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Mom, I can't be late for school. I have a test.

There's not much I can do.

Why do you need to have sex, Deb?

Why don't you go on the table?

It's just not our way. We don't talk to each other.

You shut up. Shut up, Sadie!

Stop eating dot cakes!! Stop eating dot cakes!!!

Lately, my penis hasn't been getting as hard as it used to, all right?

I mean, if you want.

And the other thing is your dad's stuff,

I'm going to have to cut back.

PETE: Don't be such a ball-buster.

Sex is the number one thing people fight about.

Listen, Charlotte really needs to get here on time

If she goes to work, then I gotta hire somebody!

Actually, we had lunch together last week. Uh-huh.

A couple numbers have trickled in.

You're never, ever in the moment.

Let's go, we'll feed them. Mommy will feed them.

I think she might be stealing.

Do you mean that in a good way?

Mom, why can't I get new clothes?

It’s my birthday

I'm gonna let you watch Lost. Come on.

They love widowers. It's like the polar opposite of divorced guys.

No! No, they're Barb's.

I thought you said smokers die.

Hey. Oh, hi, Pete.

Realtimelaundry

because that puts a lot of pressure on you, and stress,

Because you're eight.

And you really need to pay attention to the numbers

A lot of people are RSVP-ing to your birthday party.

DEBBIE: It's just not my kind of music.

How wonderful to see you.

Yeah. Should we get a block of porn?

I don't think so. It's wheat.

Because Claire wanted a baby.

I don't wanna hang out with her when I'm in my 20s.

The guy in the wheelchair is gonna sing it to the Asian girl, I believe.

I'm very close.

DEBBIE: Why did you put that guy's teeth in your mouth?

Right, right. I mean, we're both so busy.

It was better. It takes some of the pressure off.

That's why your body looks like your body

Thank you. The girls are so excited you're here.

Fuck off, Jill. God, everybody fucking hates you.

If he insults my daughter again,

Did you say that?

When I kissed him, I felt his little tiny teeth nubs with my tongue.

Everything that goes in is dicks?

You have responsibilities? Don't talk to me about responsibilities.

My boobs? Yeah.

It's not melting my brain, it's blowing my mind.

Bye, Graham. See you later, Graham.

But I'm gonna start with you, Jill.

What's wrong with Art Garfunkel? He has a beautiful voice.

Stop crying like a baby Stop crying like a baby

I would. Kill myself.

Which is so odd because your children are Jewish.

Really, Jill? Do you think it is?

You think that haircut's cool? It's not.

I don't want him to think I like him that much.

Oh, God, of course you do.

I don't think anyone is looking for handouts. I mean, you know...

All right, I'm off.

No, no. It's not what I mean. I'm just...

You need to cancel it.

I'm sorry. Okay...

He's doing sad, lonely eyes to get the next lady.

I hope I never get my period if this is what happens.

We stick around.

"Cock-suck away his sadness."

It was like being in fucking Weekend at Graham's.

I think I might have an anal fissure, or a hemorrhoid, or a worm or something.

It is. You're right.

because she's got an ear infection again.

That's loud. Every eight minutes, buddy.

Oh, yeah. I've been growing it.

You have never been nice to her

And I won't be around to see it, and that makes me very sad.

You're no fun. You never want to play.

It's nice to see you in class. We'd like to see more of you.

That's great! Yes.

was Graham Parker.

Hello. Hello, Debbie.

That's what you look like.

Close the door.

Sadie, the one you chat with on the Internet.

Who's Tom Petty? You know who Tom Petty is.

You guys talk to each other like that all the time.

I would love to lend you money, but... Thank you.

We have everything we need right now to be completely happy.

Could you see it in your heart to lend me some money?

And, you know, you're only here for five more years.