Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Bitch! Just cos she's still a V, man, she thinks she's better than us, innit?

Jessie, my darling.

- She was crying. - Our Τeetu also.

l've got to go, Mum, someone's coming. I'll see you later. Bye.

Pinky will meet someone new

"Do Something With Your Hair, Put Make-Up On, You'd Look All Right."

Can I not wear my tracksuit bottoms?

Down one-nil. Come on!

Ηussein's a Muslim name, their families are different.

Dream the dream

- Mum! - Paula, please.

You're part of a tradition now.

I can't. it's the same day as my sister's wedding.

- But, Dad! - No! This is where you spoil her!

I thought I had a bad one on my knee but yours is gorgeous.

But, Dad, the 25th...

- Oh, I dunno. - You can't keep lying. You're too good.

- but now it's... - Now what?

Well, we're joined in the studio now by Jess's mother, Mrs Bhamra.

What is wrong with you, Jess?

'Scuse me. That suit...

Oh no, sweetheart, not the sports bras.

Get those legs up!

I have to treat you the same as everyone else.

- Jules, take care of yourself. - Ah, see you later, mate.

lndian girls aren't supposed to play football.

Oh, you still not up? Guess who's come to see you.

I only had a couple of wines.

There was, like, junior boys' stuff, but when he busted his knee,

l've never smoked.

- You're all bloody mad! - Jesminder, don't use those swearing words.

- Jess, that's brilliant! - Yeah, nice one, Jess.

even these mosquito bites will look like juicy, juicy mangoes!

Nah. No, he'd get sacked if he was caught shagging one of his players.

lt doesn't matter how long it takes

- Ηow did it feel out there? - Brilliant. Really, really great.

You haven't seen any of it, have ya?

Yeah, yeah. I'm a right sob story, aren't l?

- Aren't they? Pretty girl like you. - Mum! Stop embarrassing yourself!

Look at her arse!

Make sure you keep this by your bed all the time, huh?

Joe, our coach! Joe, man, Joe!

- Give yourself three cheers. Ηip, hip! - Ηooray!

I mean, I never bunked off school like Pinky or Bubbly.

Anyone can cook aloo gobi, but who can bend a ball like Beckham?

Your dad can't be as mad as her.

- Nothing as serious as this. - This, serious?

- Find out which date the hall is free. - I'll do that.

- She's got it. - Got it!

when I was a teenager in Nairobi,

I really like that lace Lycra one. Uh-oh, there's your mate.

He's really taking responsibility every time they have possession

Three players coming behind you the whole time, hunting you!

I can't live without it

You blow 'em up, just like a Lilo.

You haven't left everything to the last minute?

If I lose my patience

Don't smile! lndian bride never smiles.

and I really want to go,

The posh French mustard is the defender.

I feel like I'm either going to let the team down or really piss them off,

John, have Εngland found the player to relive their World Cup glory from '66 ?

Mum, she's back.

What, you mean...?

- They're due for a good stuffing. - Absolutely.

Look at that kick!

see you slags later

just give us a shout downstairs if there's anything you two fancy.

Violent conduct towards another player.

I love that picture. lt was taken just after we beat Millwall last year.

- Oh, he's not my boyfriend. - No, I'm not her boyfriend.

I couldn't understand what that Εnglish woman was saying?

paki but im indian

Thanks, Dad! Mum!

And I don't fancy being busted by your dad again. You'd better get back.

Tuck it in. Tuck it in. Tuck it in.

I don't ever want to see anything like that from you ever again!

- What the bloody hell were you thinking?! - Juliette, I saw you with my own eyes!

None of our boys are in any of the football leagues.

At least l've taught her full lndian dinner. The rest is up to God.

Oh, Mum, do I have to go shopping again?

Nah, it just looks awful.