Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Howard In Living Room: I look like Hitler.

Oh, I bet Kenny has.

Excuse me. I didn't mean to interrupt.

I even got you an office. You're all set.

What are you talking about?

You understand me? Ha ha!

is perfect donkey asshole!

Robin: Yeah. Everybody can hear.

Caller: Yes, I do.

# Can't stay pretty 'cause it's just no fun #

Why would I have to go?

and welcome to the new morning show.

- And you're practically a virgin, right? - [Telephone Buzzing]

you mean practice in here now?

# A hit on TV #

is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

by the Federal Communications Commission,

If the place is driving you crazy, don't go there.

People are looking at us.

the man's immature, you know?

I got to go. See you at midnight tonight.

Howard... here's your ticket.

that our new sponsor Stanley Sport,

I mean, things really started to take off.

That goddamn motherfucker, you know?

which I think is good, too... You know, pump money into the facility.

Howard: Forget that. Just repeat after me, Ross.

Now, I'm gonna teach you how to say them, all right?

Look, I don't know that I can do this.

You know what it is? It's those yentas you hang around with.

Howard comes to Hartford to become the wacky morning man

And maybe it's 'cause I went to college,

Pay $96 a week and don't bring me your problems.

There's a buzz on the street about it.

I'm half negro, and Howard's half negro.

- WNBC, please hold. - WNBC, please hold.

in the history of entertainment. I'm not kidding.

I'm sure she doesn't have any of these sexual problems.

- It'll be pleasant today. Rain tomorrow. - [Baby Crying]

And chickens, I don't think so.

Would you mind taking me back to my hotel room?

I could see that.

What'd you take the show off the air for, Pig Vomit? Huh?

I mean, think about it.

It's the look of misunderstanding.

Come on. We're getting wet.

# But you and I, we've been through that #

I think I pulled a muscle in my rib cage.

# I'll take you there #

I just want you to forgive me.

You're gonna let 'em throw me out like garbage?

Well, for this movie, you gotta suspend disbelief.

No. A lot of times, I'm just holding back.

Pleasure to make your acquaintance this morning, Mama.

And y-y-you'd figure Howard would pay me back by putting me in his movie!

Ohh. Thank you.

CUOMO, GET THE FUCK OUT!!

Deep, Calm Voice: This is Sunday Blues And Jazz,

who cut the brakes on the car.

I don't... I don't need anyone else in my life.

because my penis never got any bigger.

I'm on the air 5 hours a day. I'm trying to come up with material.

and your mother will be so happy.

Robin, as a woman, what is it?

Not really. We don't have to tell your parents.

Joe… You are the motherfucking Antichrist

# Businessmen, they'll #

that you feel the same way.

with, you know, millions of listeners, it's...

It is W N BC, W N BC,"

I'm sorry. We're showing a full load.

You're not going to get bashful on me now, are you, Howard?

They said pretty soon, Roosevelt's going to be nothing but niggers.

OK, thanks. Thank you.

But who cared? I mean, it was exciting.

Uh, I don't think you can say "big cock" on the radio.

I brought him down...

to buy Stern's contract out.

If you leave your underwear on, then you can't cheat.

I'd still be up there in radio.

Dad and son together.

- You know, I... - Come on.

I mean, he's probably in a prison cell right now enjoying himself.

Now the baby is with me!

# Said the joker to the thief #

But my life isn't bad at all.

Here we are. Let's go over to our Dick Nixon,

I think you're a pioneer.

Let's go say hi to Mommy. Come on.

I'm Howard Stern with you each and every day,

# Take my tears and... #

or I'll make him so crazy...

Why don't you come lay over here and get comfortable?

And don't sing along with the music.

Hold on. We have a real problem here.

Good. I'm sorry. I know I told you I'd do this,

She's gonna get naked?

You know, life is very strange.

And at this point, I knew I was gonna score.

You and I both work for NBC.

It's 6:45. Temperature is, uh, 58 degrees.

First of all, I want to introduce all of you

Oh, did I miss you!

I think she's running a bath.

That's why you hired me.

# I can't sing #

- No. - No, I'm serious.

Oh, oh, that's nice. No one's ever touched me like this before.

Th-th-th-there won't even be any sequel!

I think we should separate them.

- Oh. - In fact, my wife's eggs are very old.

My name is Howard Stern. I'm the new morning man on CCC.

# Ooh-ooh-ooh dee dee... #

Through the roof.

I was in the program director's office.

You mommies and daddies out there who complained to the radio station,

In my, um, psychology class, we're studying B.F. Skinner,

That was great.

Fuck you 1,000 percent!

the very beautiful, multitalented...

Jesus Christ, who I love so much,

Very simple. I've thought this through, Robin.

You have to respect that.

We're off the air.

- That motherfuckin'... - [Siren] - [Jackhammer]

Center hall plan, very traditional.

You're gonna be totally confident that everything's going good

I don't need everything in my life to be normal.

We'll be back right after these words.

Ah, what the hell do you know, you bastard?

I know this director,

Tell you what. I'm gonna take you down to lmus' office right now,

I want you to say "Howard goes to Hartford

isn't that somethin'?

Now, Brett, what did you have for us? Blank willow.

you be a man and fire him.

Give us some more weather.

Here. [Passes Gas]

Howard: Hartford ended up being OK, you know.

OK? And I understand you're a somewhat abnormal person

You don't look like Babar. You look gorgeous.

I didn't know if she'd ever come back to me,

Cock-a-doodle-doo.

They have a lot on their mind.

- OK. - Thanks.

I'm just trying to get ratings.

I'm proud to say.

Mmm. Give me a kiss. Mmm!

Imus: You are interrupting me.

Look what I'm doing.

Yeah, hi. Can I speak to Kenny?

# To the song they're playing on the radio... #

We destroyed every other station in the market.

Would you like to go out Friday night?

Robin: Oh, I have to ask her a question.

You listen to me, you stupid asshole.

OK. What's, uh, like, what's the problem?