Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

- You can't smoke here, sir. - So call the fucking law.

Gina, check the security cameras.

I'd like to tear your little panties off get that ass in my face And just fuck that pussy like you can't imagine

Now get your filthy ass in the car.

The trash chute's the best way in.

Because there's not enough beds? I only counted one, plus a couch.

- What's up, champ? - I want a hand grenade.

"Jingle Bells," "Veni, Veni, Emmanuel ." That one's in Latin.

♪ And he was headin' for Pennsylvania ♪

a dry hand job to Isaac in Accounting. Boom.

Willie, come on. Just give it a chance.

And I always had a drink on your birthday... January third.

He's with his little nub, going.

Guys who are well-traveled, cultured and into butt stuff.

Look at all the Santas! I really get to stay here?

It was probably making you forget all the fun you had.

So while the kids and volunteers are all singing,

So, while you're playing Santa, I'm gonna clean these buggers out.

There ain't enough booze to forget it.

- What's up, girl? - Ooh. You know what's up, playa.

- So please try and make us look good. - Oh, we'll make you look great.

- Pew-pew. - Don't touch me with the fucking thing.

with some kind of electric underwear or some shit.

And I know your sorry ass does too. Look at you, man.

My friend Ronnie says,

♪ Ha ha ha Bells on bobtails ring ♪

Yes, it's dirty.

It's raining money!

- Exactly. - Right.

Come on, Willie, I need this.

Then you just start tugging on your little soldier.

What's the trouble, then, baby?

Let's just say my whole life

♪ That's what Christmas means to me My love ♪

and shows and whatnot, so I snagged this one just for us.

You look like one of those trolls that gang-fucked Willy Wonka.

And Willie ran really fast and he almost got to the door,

♪ Fa la la la la la la la la La la la ♪

All right, listen, you gotta quit fucking calling me, okay?

Alrighty, here we go.

Shut the hell up! Just break it down for him, Sunny.

But thanks for the lobster.

Empty your pockets. Place any metal items in the tray.

Except that one jerking off over there. And that one watching him jerk off.

Not everyone. Just you.

I can't, sir. It still has eight minutes to reboot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know, I know! Uh, it never happened. I get it.

There's a lot of money in it. And a phone.

No. I need a Santa suit. This is an elf suit.

She's so sweet. I wish I had a hundred volunteers like her.

Come on. Get out of here. Put a fucking diaper on.

You could be speaking fucking Swahili and I wouldn't know any better.

- Diane? That doesn't sound like her. - I want you to watch her.

I'm working on it, okay?

- This is all your handiwork. - Huh?

but with adult man-sized bullets.

- "Randall Cook"? - What the fuck wrong with that?

so I'm gonna need you on the safe.

I don't think I like it here, Willie.

That's a level three contraband. I'm gonna have to compensate that.

He helped me find focus.

- This better be an emergency. - Willie, where are you?

♪ In the lane snow is glistening ♪

You know, they used to sterilize guys like you.

- Exactly. - You should get bunk beds, Willie.

I've been dealing with the kid, all right?

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

I, I can't. I can't come.

And this is the first present Willie ever got me for Christmas.

grab the money, throw it down the garbage chute

I was born in the Pulaski County Juvenile Detention Center in Little Rock, Arkansas.

And not with some little nubbin-dick gun,

Breathe through your mouth so that you don't puke.

Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!

- Willie, you're home! - Goddamn, kid. Watch the spine bone.

Fuck! Fucking pussy!

I fucking read you wrong. I was just...

Don't worry, Willie. I'm okay. It's just in my butt.

She and her husband run the joint.

You're not the first volunteer to go off the rails.

♪ And the snow is falling on the ground ♪

Look, I'm not gonna pretend I was a perfect mother.

Well, give me the fucking bag. I'm taking this back to the kids.

Find them. All of them!

♪ Shake it to the west, baby Shake it all night ♪

- Hi, thank you so much for coming. - Okay?

Don't buy their shit, William. No such thing as an alcoholic.

Hold the fucking phone.

Except I don't know anyone at that Hungry Hoagies.

- Some duct tape so I can build a boat. - What?

Chicago, you racist moron fuck!

Just fucking pull over, okay?

Well, I thought that's what we were talking about here.

but when you don't have real family, then you have to make a new one.

Sweetheart, I'm not sure you could handle my A game.