Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Shut the hell up! Just break it down for him, Sunny.

So, while you're playing Santa, I'm gonna clean these buggers out.

- Willie, you're home! - Goddamn, kid. Watch the spine bone.

- Exactly. - Right.

"Jingle Bells," "Veni, Veni, Emmanuel ." That one's in Latin.

That's a level three contraband. I'm gonna have to compensate that.

And Willie ran really fast and he almost got to the door,

All right, listen, you gotta quit fucking calling me, okay?

- Exactly. - You should get bunk beds, Willie.

Gina, check the security cameras.

- "Randall Cook"? - What the fuck wrong with that?

Find them. All of them!

He helped me find focus.

♪ And he was headin' for Pennsylvania ♪

- This better be an emergency. - Willie, where are you?

Chicago, you racist moron fuck!

And not with some little nubbin-dick gun,

and shows and whatnot, so I snagged this one just for us.

Willie, come on. Just give it a chance.

I was born in the Pulaski County Juvenile Detention Center in Little Rock, Arkansas.

Alrighty, here we go.

Because there's not enough beds? I only counted one, plus a couch.

My friend Ronnie says,

She's so sweet. I wish I had a hundred volunteers like her.

You're not the first volunteer to go off the rails.

And I know your sorry ass does too. Look at you, man.

I've been dealing with the kid, all right?

Well, I thought that's what we were talking about here.

Yes, it's dirty.

but when you don't have real family, then you have to make a new one.

No. I need a Santa suit. This is an elf suit.

And this is the first present Willie ever got me for Christmas.

Come on, Willie, I need this.

♪ In the lane snow is glistening ♪

Empty your pockets. Place any metal items in the tray.

- Some duct tape so I can build a boat. - What?

♪ Fa la la la la la la la la La la la ♪

- What's up, girl? - Ooh. You know what's up, playa.

You look like one of those trolls that gang-fucked Willy Wonka.

Now get your filthy ass in the car.

You could be speaking fucking Swahili and I wouldn't know any better.

- What's up, champ? - I want a hand grenade.

Come on. Get out of here. Put a fucking diaper on.

with some kind of electric underwear or some shit.

Well, give me the fucking bag. I'm taking this back to the kids.

I fucking read you wrong. I was just...

Don't worry, Willie. I'm okay. It's just in my butt.

Look, I'm not gonna pretend I was a perfect mother.

Except I don't know anyone at that Hungry Hoagies.

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

Fuck! Fucking pussy!

Breathe through your mouth so that you don't puke.

- This is all your handiwork. - Huh?

But thanks for the lobster.

grab the money, throw it down the garbage chute

- Pew-pew. - Don't touch me with the fucking thing.

Except that one jerking off over there. And that one watching him jerk off.

It was probably making you forget all the fun you had.

I can't, sir. It still has eight minutes to reboot.

There's a lot of money in it. And a phone.

I'm working on it, okay?

It's raining money!

I don't think I like it here, Willie.

Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!

Let's just say my whole life

Sweetheart, I'm not sure you could handle my A game.

but with adult man-sized bullets.

Not everyone. Just you.

He's with his little nub, going.

♪ Ha ha ha Bells on bobtails ring ♪

Guys who are well-traveled, cultured and into butt stuff.

There ain't enough booze to forget it.

Then you just start tugging on your little soldier.

- Hi, thank you so much for coming. - Okay?

so I'm gonna need you on the safe.

♪ And the snow is falling on the ground ♪

Don't buy their shit, William. No such thing as an alcoholic.

♪ That's what Christmas means to me My love ♪

- Diane? That doesn't sound like her. - I want you to watch her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know, I know! Uh, it never happened. I get it.

And I always had a drink on your birthday... January third.

I'd like to tear your little panties off get that ass in my face And just fuck that pussy like you can't imagine

- You can't smoke here, sir. - So call the fucking law.

She and her husband run the joint.

Hold the fucking phone.

Look at all the Santas! I really get to stay here?

♪ Shake it to the west, baby Shake it all night ♪

The trash chute's the best way in.

What's the trouble, then, baby?

Just fucking pull over, okay?

So while the kids and volunteers are all singing,

a dry hand job to Isaac in Accounting. Boom.

- So please try and make us look good. - Oh, we'll make you look great.

You know, they used to sterilize guys like you.

I, I can't. I can't come.