Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Ha-ha. Very funny. Wait... for real?

Meeting started ten minutes ago.

Hey, listen, little man, I don't speak politically correct,

- I'm retired from that shit anyway. - Give me that.

You gotta be shitting me.

We got a job, Willie. That two grand is just to show I'm serious.

Isn't that kind of like the pot calling the other cot a fuck kettle,

- Excuse me, Mr... - Um, Cook. Randall Cook.

Some pity case on account of you're a genetic defect?

They're getting really big.

♪ Santa Claus is back in town ♪

I'd like to call to the stage now

I ain't dancing around with a bunch of candy canes and shit.

And we want to thank you all for being here tonight.

So maybe there is no such thing as a Christmas miracle, or whatever.

- I can crack just fine, thanks. - I'm talking millions this time.

Like a piece of ass who didn't look me in the eye

Boy, you been selling your blood for booze?

I swear to God, a fucking electric oven.

Of course. I'll be right back.

♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪

I got chicken feet in the fridge.

Here you go, lady, how about a little money?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.

♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪

With his blood.

I'm gonna need a hand getting into position.

My first shot at a good piece of ass after nearly ten years

I lay them on your forehead and take a picture of it.

I caught a fucking midget-murdering fucking armed robber.

Whatever's out there on this guy, I wanna see it.

- Damn. Mama ain't bad. - Whoa!

You can turn in your suit when you clean yourself up.

Hey, watch your language.

I had to make him stay outside when I was turning a trick or bowling.

No, I think I'll hang on to it.

You just ruined a perfectly good piece of pussy

We gotta get eyes on that safe. Need to know the make.

You know, they're usually into anal. But their wives won't give it up.

- You know what "son" means, right? - When did you turn into such a pussy?

Sure, he was a mouth-breathing, snot dripping 8-year-old

Are you outta your mind?

Why did I forget?

♪ For Frosty the Snowman Had to hurry on... ♪

I'd chew and chew and chew till they were all milky.

I mean, a guy breaks into your house, eats your food

- I need you sharp. - Goddamn it.

Goddamn, what a shit hole.

He won't even know I'm not there.

some other whole thing starts that sucks ass.

- Let go of me, motherfucker. - Melt all that stress away!

- Dial it back a notch. - But now I am back.

You got a match? Well, send it over!

Well, hang on a second. Hang on! I only had one drink.

♪ Got no sleigh with reindeer No sack on my back ♪

♪ Oh, there's no place like home For the holidays ♪

She's gonna pull her rig off. And she's gonna get on all fours.

♪ Making spirits bright ♪

♪ And such happiness in the coming year ♪

Give me that, you fucking lush.

My mom's in Jesus' house with Mary and Joseph and the talking walnut.

Perfect amount for my cut.

No! Your height has nothing to do with it. I don't even see height.

- Please. I need this. - Why do you care so much?

A penguin. It doesn't have to be alive.

♪ Gone away is the bluebird In his place is a new bird ♪

but you don't see me holding my breath, do you?

♪ 'Cause no matter how far away you roam ♪

- No, I mean me. - What the fuck did you just say?

It ain't, so don't eat it. That's the bulls-eye.

Damn, girl, I wouldn't pick you out for that kind of shit.

But I've cleaned up my life.

- I'm trying to help you. - Look, I'm sorry.

- Fuck me, Santa. - Louder.

You outta your goddamn mind?

I'm sorry. I was under the impression that was the correct nomenclature.

But you said that when I was 21 that you'd pop my cherry.