Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

I'd chew and chew and chew till they were all milky.

- Excuse me, Mr... - Um, Cook. Randall Cook.

But I've cleaned up my life.

My first shot at a good piece of ass after nearly ten years

A penguin. It doesn't have to be alive.

You outta your goddamn mind?

Sure, he was a mouth-breathing, snot dripping 8-year-old

With his blood.

We got a job, Willie. That two grand is just to show I'm serious.

but you don't see me holding my breath, do you?

I ain't dancing around with a bunch of candy canes and shit.

- Let go of me, motherfucker. - Melt all that stress away!

So maybe there is no such thing as a Christmas miracle, or whatever.

♪ Gone away is the bluebird In his place is a new bird ♪

♪ Got no sleigh with reindeer No sack on my back ♪

Goddamn, what a shit hole.

♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪

Ha-ha. Very funny. Wait... for real?

They're getting really big.

Like a piece of ass who didn't look me in the eye

You got a match? Well, send it over!

- I can crack just fine, thanks. - I'm talking millions this time.

♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪

And we want to thank you all for being here tonight.

I mean, a guy breaks into your house, eats your food

- I need you sharp. - Goddamn it.

Isn't that kind of like the pot calling the other cot a fuck kettle,

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.

Whatever's out there on this guy, I wanna see it.

Perfect amount for my cut.

- Dial it back a notch. - But now I am back.

I lay them on your forehead and take a picture of it.

Some pity case on account of you're a genetic defect?

It ain't, so don't eat it. That's the bulls-eye.

But you said that when I was 21 that you'd pop my cherry.

I caught a fucking midget-murdering fucking armed robber.

- Fuck me, Santa. - Louder.

- No, I mean me. - What the fuck did you just say?

♪ Santa Claus is back in town ♪

I got chicken feet in the fridge.

You can turn in your suit when you clean yourself up.

Hey, listen, little man, I don't speak politically correct,

I swear to God, a fucking electric oven.

♪ For Frosty the Snowman Had to hurry on... ♪

Give me that, you fucking lush.

My mom's in Jesus' house with Mary and Joseph and the talking walnut.

She's gonna pull her rig off. And she's gonna get on all fours.

Here you go, lady, how about a little money?

some other whole thing starts that sucks ass.

- You know what "son" means, right? - When did you turn into such a pussy?

♪ 'Cause no matter how far away you roam ♪

I had to make him stay outside when I was turning a trick or bowling.

You gotta be shitting me.

♪ And such happiness in the coming year ♪

♪ Oh, there's no place like home For the holidays ♪

You just ruined a perfectly good piece of pussy

- Please. I need this. - Why do you care so much?

Meeting started ten minutes ago.

Of course. I'll be right back.

Why did I forget?

Boy, you been selling your blood for booze?

I'm sorry. I was under the impression that was the correct nomenclature.

I'm gonna need a hand getting into position.

We gotta get eyes on that safe. Need to know the make.

He won't even know I'm not there.

No! Your height has nothing to do with it. I don't even see height.

- I'm trying to help you. - Look, I'm sorry.

- Damn. Mama ain't bad. - Whoa!

I'd like to call to the stage now

Are you outta your mind?

Well, hang on a second. Hang on! I only had one drink.

- I'm retired from that shit anyway. - Give me that.

♪ Making spirits bright ♪

No, I think I'll hang on to it.

Damn, girl, I wouldn't pick you out for that kind of shit.

Hey, watch your language.

You know, they're usually into anal. But their wives won't give it up.