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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
The cherry pop lady gave it to me.
because when some shit gets over with,
- I see they made you some chairs already. - Fuck you.
Go ahead. Shoot me, shitstick.
- Shit happens. - That's fucking beautiful.
I'm a good girl, Mr. Cook, but sometimes I need to be bad.
- Fuck you! - It was just business.
You got ten minutes to get to Regent's office, crack that safe,
Just did a little digging, a little Googling,
Seriously, you need to give my bike back. Now.
And I trust you about as far as I can throw her.
so I think it should be a light landing for both of you. Okay?
He was my original elf. Remember those times, Willie?
Where are the cherry pop ladies?
Look, I'm trying to make up for lost time here.
I always wanted to fuck me a Santa.
- Motherfucker! - Get off of him!
Don't be weird. Tell me how dirty this is.
- Gina, was it? - That's right.
I'll be smoking like an old Buick, all right?
so if you got a problem with that, you take it up with the Lollipop Guild.
And that is one piece of motherly advice I hope you took to heart.
You tricked me, you little shithole!
- Oh, that sounds really nice. - Well, it wasn't nice.
- Willie, you in there? - Get rid of him.
I said I'm fucking busy!
Money!
Hey, goddamn pussy! You motherfucker!
You know, a lot of these kids don't got any arms and legs and shit.
Matter of fact, I think she roofied me.
Hey, Cook!
And this year, they requested Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus.
Fucking asshole.
Anyway, Santy ain't no arms dealer, so I can't help you out.
What? Ugh.
Oh, Gina!
Same day as the President's Day sale at Blue Mesa Toyota and Scion
I'm in Chicago, but I can't find you anywhere.
But sometimes, you have to lose something to gain something.
oh yeah…
Anyway, still good to see you.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
No. The Hungry Hoagies people tested me. I'm top of the spectrum.
- Ronald. We haven't officially met. - Well, hello, Ronald. Officially.
Get a bite of this pumpernickel bread.
And then at night, they store that cash in the safe in Regent's office.
You're scaring all the kids away. You know what I mean?
We only put butter on food. Hand isn't food.
Oh, is that you? I thought it was me.
- Okay. I'll try to be a man. For you. - No, not for me. For you.
I'll look for you and I'll wave like this. Okay?
I don't go in for all the sappy shit.
Thank you.
I knew you couldn't stay away. You always were your mama's boy.
I am going to have to ask you to watch your language
No, I'm not anything like you.
- But you're my family. - No, I'm not your family.
Here, drink this.
Did you forget about this?
Come on, boy. Be just like old times.
So you see, happy endings are bullshit.
Get out of my car!
- Hey, keep those coming, will you? - Mm-hmm.
Or you could do your dumb-ass self a favor, at least hear me out before you quit.
Now, I'm dating again, and I'm ready to find The One.
Would you get it together? Tomorrow is go time.
Shouldn't be a problem for you. You got it?
Come on, man.
I am all about those kids and the Christmas concert.
while I got off clean by ratting out my steaming pile of shit mother.
I rooted out a pervert.
- That is not how you serve a sandwich. - Willie.
Oh, well, don't lose your focus. We still need that key.
- Ow! - Oh, call the medic!
I hate him more than anything in the goddamn world! Except her.
Wait till he gets to attention, then poke him in there.
Look, when you were a baby,
Thank you for that, Jason.
Oh, sorry about the confusion. That's all we have in your size.
No way these assholes have 2 million bucks.
who are in your family.