Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

One time, I ate too much turkey bacon, I didn't poop for two weeks.

- Who the hell is Willie? - Can I ride the bicycle now?

It was a one-time thing. That never happened.

♪ Heedless of the wind and weather Fa la la la la la la la la ♪

♪ All is calm ♪

Now step the fuck back!

♪ Joy to the world, the Lord is come ♪

I ain't sticking around. Just give it to Opal after.

The fuck is going on? Hey, goddamn it!

You know every time you're passed out,

Well, in fairness, I did leave it unattended,

Make yourselves at home. Bedroom's mine.

Christmas Eve, they have a big charity concert.

No, I don't need no fucking hug from Santa.

Uh, Willie, it's really cold here. I didn't bring a coat. Only my gloves.

But I always burn my hand getting them out of oven.

Hey! Get off of him you little shit!

We're doing all the Christmas carols, "Silent Night," "Deck the Halls,"

I'm not missing The Bachelor finale.

We do hot sandwiches at Hungry Hoagies now.

- August fourth. - Fourth?

but that's only because I had to run off to the little boys' room.

And if we're being honest here, you, you guys should be supplying us

Now if you think you can handle that,

- Hi, I'm Diane and I'm an alcoholic. - Hi, Diane.

Fuck me, children, fuck me, Children, fuck me, children

Well, I guess this is what they call a happy ending.

Call me "Santa."

Well, Granny had a good run.

Like that will fucking stop me? Rigor mortis just make the pussy tighter.

Oh, my God! That feels amazing! Holy shit!

Yeah, maybe we'll do that.

This is really fun, Willie. I didn't even know you had a mom.

Here's your ID.

Hey, I'm gonna be home late again tonight.

You mean like sex stuff? That kind of thing?

Guess you don't know what today is.

No, shitstick. I brought you in. You're the safe cracker.

- I have 20. - Give it to her after.

Can we get a Chicago pizza? It's like pizza, but in Chicago.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Don't be touching me.

Please say hello to Thurman Merman. Thurman?

Really? That's funny, I don't see your fucking name on it anywhere.

Ya! You no good motherfucker!

Well, I feel like General MacArthur must have felt when he put his uniform on

♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪

- It does? - No. On what fucking planet...?

This guy's a pedophiliac, here, and he's after all your kids.

Yeah, yeah. That's great, that's great. I, I don't know.

- She died. - When?

What, you don't trust your mother?

Hey, kid, listen.

But when I put this suit on, I feel like...

He's the fucking kid diddler, not me. I'm a hero!

That's our take window. Last year, the haul was almost 2 mil.

and then get the hell out of there before anybody knows what's hit them.

You are a fucking pedophile!

I think I'm gonna go upstairs and watch It's a Wonderful Life

Besides that, I'm a fucking guy. You didn't turn funny, did you?

Well, if this ain't fetal alcohol syndrome,

And there's only one thing that can change that.

I'm talking about addiction, Mr. Cook.

You really think I'd be dumb enough to put real bullets in that gun?

It's pretty, pretty fucking dirty, I guess.

It's Christmas. A time for forgiveness. For family.

♪ That's what Christmas means to me My love ♪

And I know you're not my real family,

People ask me if I miss my old teeth.

Is he always this fucking useless?

when you're representing the suit.

You're my shitstick. And nobody's gonna mess with you on my watch.

I'm a goddamn hero.

He's Cook. I'm Davis. We're here for the orientation.

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

Shut the fuck up.

- All right, then. - That also...

Are you washing your fucking hands right now?

I'm just tired of that fucking coughing.

the money's just sitting there, waiting for an armored transfer.

Come on. Let's go.

♪ Oh, there's no place like home For the holidays ♪

- Well, I'm glad you followed your passion. - What's that smell?