Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

You tried to murder me, you little prick. Remember that?

- Hey, you're wet. - No shit. What can I do for you?

You know what, I think you're some kind of pervert

Ah, rohypnol. Excellent icebreaker.

World's gonna be a better place without the fucking Sokes in it.

Hey, Greta. Could you, uh, get me a rag and a real drink, please?

♪ Heavenly hosts sing hallelujah ♪

- Go figure. - Why the fuck would you call me?

What's she doing with that shoe? Oh, God!

Oh, yeah. Who's got the pussy lips now, motherfucker?

Kid, get over here and take your pants off.

washed it down with a liter of this gin...

- Are you out of your goddamn mind? - A hug from Santa!

Don't say "Mama." No mom stuff!

♪ All is bright ♪

♪ Fa la la la la la la la la ♪

checking their list twice.

Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!

Romantic proposal at Bad Santa party By Snupy Dooley

Daddy Fuck me like your dirty little slut

Oh, yeah, she's something. I'm sure they only made one of her.

Yes, I said "dossier."

where they put the "whee" in wheels.

Yeah, we'll get a pizza. No sweat.

And if a fight breaks out, go straight for the nuts or gouge an eye out.

- I'm all ears. How wild? - What?

- Why's that such a surprise? - Well...

Mind giving me a hand over here?

Anyway, I think you ought to be working the sexual angle with her,

I need full dossier on a Randall Cook.

Now, see? Who the fuck does he think he is talking to you that way?

I'm gonna spend my whole day with a bunch of damn kids on my lap?

No, I suppose they don't.

And you're the family I picked.

- Goddamn, did you eat your own shit? - No, I've been eating caramels.

and I didn't even get a chance to smell that pussy.

Come on, baby. Come on.

- Can I fix you a sandwich? - No.

And the kid, he still creeps around every now and then

You got all these great guys.

End-of-the-year accounting stuff.

Lying little fuck.

No, I don't do that.

- Ah! - I even almost had a friend once.

You got one job this time. Open a safe.

- What? Why would I want a tree? - So we can spend Christmas together.

Hooker being Scrooge?? Half Off for Holidays!!

Giving City is a charity at 98 cents every dollar

then what the fuck is it?

So they made me a full-time sandwich consultant.

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪

Christina Hendricks

And I could still fill that shot glass with this man's jizz.

- You're not mad, are you? - Mad? No. Because I get you.

- Ten dollars or more. - Okay.

♪ Merry Merry Christmas ♪

You see me walking backwards, asshole? I'm coming.

Yeah. I found this in the bedside table.

- Fuck me, Santa! - There you go.

Not so big now, are you?

Well, according to this report,

You mean a living fucking nightmare? Why didn't you say so? I'm in.

Five-ways? How many holes do you have?

He heard a noise in the fucking vent. What's the big deal?

But if we get fired, we got no access to the building.

Put that shit away.

I sure did. In my late 20's.

- We still got it, kid. - Yeah, I guess so.

- You didn't tell me to bring a coat. - I didn't tell you to come.

Bullshit. No fucking way. Fucking cash only.

Damn it, Willie. Hurry up! We're gonna miss our train.

- Don't worry, I'm fine. - I'm not worried.

Maybe I don't blame you. But things change at the end of the road.

I'm in fucking Chicago, kid.

So if a happy ending is staring at you right in the fucking face,

- Maybe he's an alcoholic. - Brilliant insight, Dorfman.

But I think I can sneak you guys in. Come on.

- Start over. - ♪ Oh yeah candles burning low ♪

- Is that close to Chicago? - No.

Anyway, it took this new set of teeth to finally see the light.

But I thought your dad was the one you hated.

Why do you have to go so soon? We just got back together.

Probably take me about three minutes. Three and a half tops.

Why the fuck were they at an AA meeting?

And if you don't have cash, you can always text XMAS 999...

What... What is that?