Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

and a big, fucked-up Afro!

a birthday feast for my father.

Got to be careful. They say having casual sex nowadays

when your ass don't cooperate with you

Like I just walked out on-stage and cursed and left.

Punch him in the face, Ed.

I've been trying for five months to do the moonwalk

I got foreigners from all over walking up, going:

Now was have 300 million and 70 trays

You gotta have some money, you can't get no pussy.

You know, because I'd fuck Mike up. You know, Mike...

And you don't get a contract and get married without one

I put rules on the refrigerator and you never obey my rules

Why not? She's special.

They catch you with the pussy, see. And it's a trap.

no matter what you want, she has the ingredients at home.

They got dudes in the doctor's office with symptoms like, Excuse me, doc,

I'm tired of people messing with me.

When you know that “ish” don’t make no sense!

Then, what's really fucked up, is y'all the most loving people.

I say, 'What did he do?'

You got skeletons in your closet?

ltalians are funny people, because they act like niggas. lt's funny.

is like playing Russian roulette.

I'm looking forward to seeing him in that leather suit.

I'm gonna take the old rules off and put new rules up.

Then you get married, because you think you've found the bomb.

So Many Skeletons

Eddie, what's wrong with you?

no matter what you say, no matter what you do, as long as you say:

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Each day my mother would wake up and open 1 1 Twister games, Eddie.

And I'd be at a party and have Michael walk up to me one day

I'm gonna kick their ass?

You know what I like about Stallone's movies?

I own myself. I am my own person.

But I'm ltalian. Watch this. You watch this, all right?

Know when your woman's gonna fool around?

And then you change the shit around. Right, guys?

Then you grab it and get fingerprinted

Now, I'm going to tell you a story. He always tells you stories.

and white people can't dance.

I was praying he wouldn't answer the phone,

Do I need to bring anything? You do have salad right?

Y'all do that... You ever have a woman play-fight with you?

At about 5:00 in the morning, the child comes through the door.

Are you...? You're not gonna answer it?

American women stick together. Last thing they wanna see

Fuck you and your pussy. Get the fuck out of my face.

STAND UP AND CLAP!! STAND YO ASS UP AND CLAP!!

YOU DON'T OWN ME

We didn't have fancy luxuries like food.

I want to talk to you!

Them little babies with them high-top white shoes on

I see a lot of you ladies going:

why don't you shake your a** home.

I know you wanna leave me

This is my house! I don't give a fuck!

Are we gonna go too far?

Oh Ehaw That's just jokes

Stop. You lying motherfuckers, stop.

they never from the town you meet them in.

Just fuck, mother... Fuck me, goddamn it.

Half! I'll take half his shit!

Don't that make you mad, right? You know what really make me mad?

I got McDonald’s

Don't let the lights and cameras throw y'all.

You know how I knew y'all believed it?

No, we couldn't afford a cake.

Fuck you doing with Deney Terrio?

Look, all the men's faces, they're like this now:

What do you mean? We have a relationship.

Raw Eddie Murphy

Then you go out and your friends be, Yo, man, you fuck her yet?

You know what really make me mad,

And I'm gonna bring her home and lock her up in the house.

He probably punched you for something you did

I don't know. You better lift up the window

You gonna be driving home tonight with your wife in the car like this:

Are you carrying...? What is this? What is this?

And it won't be no siren, it'll be a real fag sitting on the roof going:

Twelve million.

They like it just as much as us. See, ladies sitting there going:

Went on television and said:

That's when I got scared. I did some jokes about Mr. T.

My ego said, Now talk some shit so people know not to mess with you.

lf I took Brooke Shields to the Grammys,

and beat the shit out of their kids.

Cooling, right? I went in with my girlie, right?

I gotta tell you, be careful. And women ain't like us.

he breaks this big fucking nigger's face.

I don't give a fuck. I ain't getting on nobody.

And if you gonna let a fuck come between our love,

That's it! That's your job.

and I'd come inside the room and cut your dick off.

What? Lillian, Eddie had a fight in a disco with Deney Terrio

You ever, sometime, right, you get on that tawlet

This house is too big for one person to clean. Why don't you leave?

'and ate a whole fucking game of Monopoly by yourself?'