Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

You have all just participated in a happening.

Look, it pains me to say this,

There's a drug in those cookies.

Thankful for this friendly, friendly world.

I am a national TV star,

To the jailhouse rock

I'm gonna sue you for everything you've got, I swear to God.

If there is a woman here tonight who can come up here and prove me wrong,

to touch my celebrity cyst.

Lawler, I did not agree to this. This is against the rules!

Are you listening to me?

very difficult for me to say.

All right. Be my guest. Book him.

Come on. Everybody.

Kaufman is out of it!

It's terrible. I-I do not even like it.

You pulled her hair! You won't be getting a second warning!

You give 'em Mighty Mouse. You give 'em Elvis.

I did not agree to wrestle you! I did not agree!

Although I've got to leave

- Yeah - Oh, ho!

- Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - What?

Hi. Right this way, please.

With each day so full of joy

When I'm famous, I'm gonna sell these,

Hello, I am Jimmy Carter,

- And here is your gift voucher to Red Lobster. - Thank you so much.

- There's no show for you. - Wh-What do you want me to do?

The cheers turned to jeers.

I prefer the fine arts, henceforth, today...

Every heart should be

- It was so good. - I have to do Taxi, though, right?

- Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer - I can't believe this!

You're-- You're terrific.

We're just listening for his call

uh, dramatic purposes.

Andy's up in his room?

We'll have a garage sale. No, I'm over and out.

Oh, no. Zmuda, I'm gonna kill you.

I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons

This is artsy-fartsy shit. I mean, what--

Lawler is gonna settle a score for each and every one of us,

and wipe your hands with it...

Diane, this is George.

I'm not a comedian. I don't do jokes.

He's the Southern heavyweight champion. He'll kill you.

- Hi. - Now you can't even tell the difference.

I don't want to tell them.

It's just your stress unraveling itself.

I want this show to build and build.

the imitations.

We've gone to commercial!

- Yeah. - What's your name?

I would like to use the phone!

Hey, hot shot. How you doin'?

- Andy, you got a little something-- - Hmm?

Thank you, Andy. I'm delighted to be here. It's overwhelming to me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

I brought you some Haagen-Dazs.

I'm inclined to reserve all judgments,

Wow. You're still here.

- I make more money in one day than you do... - Kaufman!

and we sort of got into a fight over it.

You feel stupid? What about us?

Okay. Let's try two of those.

With the sky so full of stars.

- Here comes Santa Claus - Boys and girls, you're not gonna believe this!

Andy, Merv does not get hate mail.

- That'll keep you going on a hot day. - Can we get to work?

Mr. Kaufman will only appear in half the episodes of Taxi.

Ladies and gentlemen, uh,

I did it! This is for real!

What, did we hit a little speed bump?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

But-But that's Tony down there. It's not Andy.

I want no kicking, biting, scratching, head butts. Do you understand?

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no.

I'm keepin' flowers in full bloom

It's just that we feel that, well, you and the program...

It's my special! I have creative control. Now roll it!

He's an absolute embarrassment to humanity, this man from Hollywood.

so I guess that's too lofty a concept for you.

Over my shoulder a piano falls

Kaufman's crappin' on my act!

- and again and again and again and again--

And they sing Oh, ain't you glad you're single

- You had a huge boner on national television. - Oh, man!

And the bird goes--

I got the wings of a dove

I will have this fraulein und the one with the big strudels.

I, I think you can use some of those words on television,

My father said I could've hired a lawyer and sued you for everything you've got.

I'm going to the Philippines.

They'll deny it up and down, but believe me, it's true.

- Whatever you want. - Bonus! Thank you very much.

Andy, look in my eye...

Why did you call me? You are the last person I expected to call me.

And that's my father's old car.

Did you come down here to wrestle or act like an ass?

So, all my friends good-bye