Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

...to meet me.
Oh, no, no.
...then you never hear from them again.
...the tree is a very important part of our holiday.
Also, I told her you work for the White House.
This is a really... This is a really beautiful tree.
Fuck that! I don't care...
Your little friend better get me a tree.
And frankly, I'm kind of glad that the craziness is behind me.
Hey. Looks like somebody missed me.
I don't wanna come to your shitty-ass party, dude.
TODD: I wish I could stop
...these talentless fuck butt-crackers...
Well, maybe I should give it to someone else.
[ADRIAN MOANS]
...I'd tell him to eat a cockmeat sandwich.
[LATRELL CHUCKLES]
...did you F-wads...
NEIL: Wait, man.
It's such a disaster, this fucking night.
It's not like I don't have friends.
And then I shot...
Wu-Tang, dude.
Since when do you have a beard?
KUMAR: Clay cocks! - Put your cock away.
Oh, so smart.
Why wasn't you at school today?
Less romantic?
Thanks, kid.
Losing...
KUMAR: Sure this is the right address?
Would you like a waffle, Mr. Harris?
That's a gigantic joint. What do you think?
HAROLD [IN ENGLISH]: Every time I hang out with you, it's a disaster.
Let's go.
You look terrific. You lose weight?
When you come back, the tree will be decorated.
Sir. Hi. My name is Kumar, this is Harold. It's very nice to meet you.
How did that happen already?
Prepare for the winter of your discontent!
[GRUNTS]
You wanted it to look realistic.
Here's your phone.
Eggnog? Empanadas?
Uh... Sure. Yeah.
Hey, over there.
- We're not taking you anywhere. - Not going through any tunnels.
Thanks for the ride.
- Thank you. - Thanks, man.
They're gonna come home from Mass and expect to see...
Who the fuck are you?
...you guys come to my house.
I don't know.
- I don't wa... Seriously, 40 bucks? - Yeah.
So be good for goodness' sake
Yogurt has an expiration date.
My God. We're gonna die.
Okay, next, please. Move.
FUCK SAVAGE
And a happy New Year
...I need to say to you, okay?
- He's single. - Hi. Kumar.
- There you go. - Thank you, kind sir.
Scr...
You know what? Fuck it, it's almost midnight. I give up.
- Is that you? - Yeah.
No, no, no.
- Fine. - No! All right!
I don't need to be part of this.
- Did you stock the fridge? - I did.
Stop! Guys, guys, stop it, stop it
Heh. Nice, Harry.
These guys think pancakes are better than waffles.
Look...
Give it to me!
...tearing that snowman a new tuchus.
Ooh!
Thanks.
- Man, I don't think that's okay. - It's fine.
Eight years, wow. I never knew Christmas trees were such a big deal.
ADRIAN: You know, I like the beard, but I love clean-shaven you.
Okay.
Prepare for the winter of your discontent
Fucking tight jeans.
...is here.
Well, thanks. Listen, um...
Mr. Claus, can you feel...
...except you're shorter.
Isn't this the most beautiful tree you've ever seen?
Just drive. Todd, drive.
You're happy...
I'm freezing! Give us back our clothes.
Fine. Can you pee on it?
They all look alike to me too. Ha-ha-ha.
I don't date black guys.
Tickets, please.
Ugh.
Don't quit weed.
You're Jewish.
Straight from
Little girl, I'm not gonna ask you no more.
Harold.
Don't get too comfortable. Keep your game face on for your father-in-law.
Just because your wife made you convert doesn't mean you're not a Jew!
- It's okay. Girlfriends. - Ha-ha-ha.
No, don't hang up the phone on me.
When I actually try in school but fail multiple tests
What's the matter? Afraid you'll catch a cold?
You know my name?
Okay.
...throw it out? - This tree is a cancer.
...get as many medical supplies as you can.
That is a perfectly salvageable tree.
ADRIAN: Oh, shit!
We just sold your little punk-ass tree, bitch!
Great job. I've just got a few notes, okay?
- What? Whoa! MARY: Unh!
...but touch me again, I'll rip your dick off!
I almost had my dick ripped off.
Is it fake?
...normal, doesn't mean you should ruin it.
Merry Christmas Pancakes are fucking gay
I really need it. I'll pay double.
[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
HAROLD: Try singing again.
- Easy. - He can not... He is not allow...
Appreciate it.
We have nothing to do with all the drugs and all the alcohol.
Fuck Savage! That rock is mine!
You guys all right? How are you alive?
Had I known, I would have smoked it.
Maria's dad grew that tree...
...to you guys. I thought you were old assholes.
[BABY GIGGLING]
...fuck me tonight! You!
Hey, hey!
...or a faux Christmas?
[GUNSHOTS]
After you made Eiffel Tower on Mary?
Does it? Damn it. Okay. That explains a lot.
Dad, you good? You need a drink or...? No? Okay.
Listen, we're friends of Mary, okay?
- That was close. - I know, right?
KUMAR: There's a lot you don't know...
I'd say so. Shh, shh!