Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Harold? He hasn't lived here in so long.

Oh, here it goes. Here it goes.

Then I slip off to the side and take out the archbishop.

...that makes Avatar look Avatar-ded.

Guys our age need to watch...

We gotta get rid of this tree!

I don't have anyone else to confide in. I might as well tell you. Uh...

Oh, sorry, sir.

Sorry, I'm trying my best

I haven't slept with anyone since we broke up.

...for a serious diaper situation. So I will ask you to stop...

That tree was a Perez...

Dude, you're in luck. There's still coffee in here.

What? No. No Wu-Tang, okay? Christmas music. I like it.

I can't believe you'd invite Vanessa and not tell me.

Testicles, right?

See? You're laughing. You're having fun. Admit it:

- Heh-heh-heh. MOM: George, call 911!

You're not gay, motherfucker.

You didn't get the lighter.

I don't know, but they're fucking studs.

You steal his gun.

I am gay! Gay for that pussy!

Let's have some sex before you get all fat on me.

You might be able to...?

I just saw this scene.

- For my present... - Hey!

- What is wrong with her? TEENS: Ha-ha-ha.

VANESSA: When's the last time you cleaned?

MAN: I told you not to aim for the face.

All right, um...

[SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]

DAVID: What stuff? - The stuff.

In that whorehouse.

Troll the ancient yuletide carol

ST. PETER: Make room! Make room! VIP!

You have to take me.

Dude, seriously...

...getting fatter.

HAROLD: She's upstairs...

Holy shit! Dude, you're Claymated!

...the right song for her yet.

- Get her off me! - Right, sorry, sorry!

Maybe we can...

It's like Maria's dad's tree.

And I went to heaven.

I'm going to rock your world.

Generation Z, here's your ball back.

ADRIAN: Ow, ow.

...grandpa, dude? I'm barely 30.

You look like an Indian Don Draper.

No. Miss? Miss? That's incorrect.

Tell that to my father-in-law.

Had plenty of fun times with weed. But I'm an adult now.

Bah, bah, bah! Not the throw pillows!

I'm sorry, where are my manners? Here. Here.

I can get you one of those Christmas trees?

Great to see you guys.

Smells like junk in here.

Hold on. There's something...

Not a big deal?

I'm really high.

- Well... - If I were you...

What more could a Latino father-in-law ask for?

Do you not have time?

I left my wallet upstairs. Thank you.

KUMAR [IN ENGLISH]: Wait. I just realized I can probably make my balls bigger too...

...we have some killing to do.

What it is, pimp, player...

- Thanks. NEIL: No problem.

It's too risky. I haven't done that in forever.

TODD: Aah! Where are we going?

It gets you high.

...because Emma says that leads to abandonment issues...

Shut this motherfucker up, would you?

[WHISPERS] Hello, old friend.

- I'll get changed and be right over. - I'll see you then.

I wouldn't miss it, man.

...we won't be able...

Oh, no, no, no.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Well, I don't really have anything on underneath, $0...

...our cholesterol. - Yeah, I know.

...52 Aquos Quattron TV...

Wow, you look just like

There were lasers.

Give me the phone to Dad.

This house, I promise you, is gonna be perfect.

- I'm talking about Mary. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Virgin Mary.

Take your sweater off.

HAROLD: All right. - Waffle break?

Please, I don't know what we've done, but please let us go.

[WOMAN SCREAMS LOUDLY] [GASPS]: What's that noise?

Ice to see you.

Two-hander. Okay. Ha-ha-ha.

I can come back later.

Here's what we do.

Shut up. The tree.

...off! MARY: Oh, God!

Okay. You got it.

Just remember, next time you take a drug test...

There's not really a... We should get going. We got a Christmas tree emergency.

MARIA: Wow! Oh, my God.

...Is trying to act like an adult...

Does she have a tail or something? What?

Why don't you guys just sit down and I'll get that tree all wrapped up for you.

HAROLD: What the fuck?!

You ruined Christmas!

We'll go get ourselves a Christmas beer.

What happened to the tree is, uh...

Oh. Oh, this is...

Clay Aiken's not gay?