Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

There's not really a... We should get going. We got a Christmas tree emergency.

You steal his gun.

We'll go get ourselves a Christmas beer.

[WOMAN SCREAMS LOUDLY] [GASPS]: What's that noise?

- What is wrong with her? TEENS: Ha-ha-ha.

Take your sweater off.

Please, I don't know what we've done, but please let us go.

And I went to heaven.

Here's what we do.

- Well... - If I were you...

I am gay! Gay for that pussy!

Maybe we can...

That tree was a Perez...

No. Miss? Miss? That's incorrect.

It's like Maria's dad's tree.

Tell that to my father-in-law.

What it is, pimp, player...

Let's have some sex before you get all fat on me.

MAN: I told you not to aim for the face.

HAROLD: She's upstairs...

Had plenty of fun times with weed. But I'm an adult now.

...we won't be able...

I can come back later.

...our cholesterol. - Yeah, I know.

- Get her off me! - Right, sorry, sorry!

You have to take me.

...grandpa, dude? I'm barely 30.

Two-hander. Okay. Ha-ha-ha.

...for a serious diaper situation. So I will ask you to stop...

Oh, sorry, sir.

...Is trying to act like an adult...

- I'll get changed and be right over. - I'll see you then.

This house, I promise you, is gonna be perfect.

Troll the ancient yuletide carol

You ruined Christmas!

...52 Aquos Quattron TV...

I don't know, but they're fucking studs.

You look like an Indian Don Draper.

...because Emma says that leads to abandonment issues...

Give me the phone to Dad.

Shut this motherfucker up, would you?

In that whorehouse.

Ice to see you.

Great to see you guys.

You're not gay, motherfucker.

What more could a Latino father-in-law ask for?

Clay Aiken's not gay?

There were lasers.

Okay. You got it.

- Thanks. NEIL: No problem.

TODD: Aah! Where are we going?

Hold on. There's something...

We gotta get rid of this tree!

Guys our age need to watch...

Do you not have time?

Well, I don't really have anything on underneath, $0...

I'm sorry, where are my manners? Here. Here.

DAVID: What stuff? - The stuff.

Oh, no, no, no.

Not a big deal?

VANESSA: When's the last time you cleaned?

Wow, you look just like

[WHISPERS] Hello, old friend.

ADRIAN: Ow, ow.

Generation Z, here's your ball back.

...that makes Avatar look Avatar-ded.

ST. PETER: Make room! Make room! VIP!

I'm really high.

Bah, bah, bah! Not the throw pillows!

Does she have a tail or something? What?

...off! MARY: Oh, God!

[SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]

HAROLD: What the fuck?!

- Heh-heh-heh. MOM: George, call 911!

Smells like junk in here.

I left my wallet upstairs. Thank you.

HAROLD: All right. - Waffle break?

I haven't slept with anyone since we broke up.

I don't have anyone else to confide in. I might as well tell you. Uh...

What happened to the tree is, uh...

Then I slip off to the side and take out the archbishop.

Sorry, I'm trying my best

I can't believe you'd invite Vanessa and not tell me.

Why don't you guys just sit down and I'll get that tree all wrapped up for you.

I'm going to rock your world.

Shut up. The tree.

...we have some killing to do.

KUMAR [IN ENGLISH]: Wait. I just realized I can probably make my balls bigger too...

Oh. Oh, this is...

...getting fatter.

- I'm talking about Mary. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Virgin Mary.

All right, um...

Just remember, next time you take a drug test...

...the right song for her yet.

- For my present... - Hey!

It gets you high.

I can get you one of those Christmas trees?

I just saw this scene.

Harold? He hasn't lived here in so long.

You didn't get the lighter.

It's too risky. I haven't done that in forever.

See? You're laughing. You're having fun. Admit it:

You might be able to...?

Oh, here it goes. Here it goes.

Testicles, right?

Dude, seriously...

What? No. No Wu-Tang, okay? Christmas music. I like it.

I wouldn't miss it, man.

Dude, you're in luck. There's still coffee in here.

MARIA: Wow! Oh, my God.

Holy shit! Dude, you're Claymated!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.