Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

...and it is very icy out there.

She said that, yes.

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

- Come in, come in. Come in. Come on. - Sure.

It's just this lie I sort of got caught in.

Show him the old Roldy Roll.

Yes, exactly. Well, get this. She wants me...

It hurt like hell...

I think I see Uncle Harold over there.

[MOUTHS] Fuck you.

Clay's the biggest coozehound I know. That guy gets mad gash.

...your friend for a long time. - It is perfectly normal.

PROTESTERS [CHANTING]: Wall Street sucks! Wall Street sucks!

First, we need to steal some tickets.

...Christmas party...

I think they're fine. Todd's a big boy.

Who's my sidekick? You are.

- No! No, I'm heading out. Ha, ha. - No, we were just... Hi.

- Maria. I love you. - Ha, ha.

[PROTESTERS CLAMORING]

Meet me at my sleigh in half an hour, okay?

Ha-ha-ha. Of course it is.

...but I'm cold... Hello?

It has to look perfect on Christmas morning.

You're not looking at me.

It's spreading. It's spreading!

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

That's it. That's our tree. It's perfect.

The kids put something in here.

Aw, come on. You just played it.

Oh. Nothing specific. Just some general stuff.

Time-the-fuck-out. How are you still alive?

Come with me if you wanna live!

What is he doing? What is he doing?

KUMAR: Ha, ha. Dude, this is awesome!

Fuck your tree!

A boom batta, these pockets...

LATRELL: I'm sorry.

Or you prefer Neil?

...the men who violated...

Morty, Kumar, long time.

Make every breakfast a Bot-fast.

Now I remember.

- I'm so sorry about that. - It's okay.

It's going to voice-mail.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Clear.

We're here to pick up the tree, then we're out of here.

Growing up in Medellin...

And I got triple the money.

Okay. Next time.

There he is. NPH.

Mr. Lee, you don't understand.

You got a great job, you make good money, you don't beat your wife.

MADEA [ON TV]: Look at me, look at me!

Hey, little guy.

They're awesome.

KUMAR: There's gotta be a freight elevator or something.

Am I supposed to feel bad?

I know. But... Look, if you give me another chance...

That would really be great. Thank you, Carlos.

...a hot date in the city.

That's because you are a kid.

I'm sorry I was such a dick...

Hold on. What the hell's going on?

- It's pink. - Oh, my God.

- I heard it's a fact. - Okay, fine. Theory debunked.

I don't know what sick game you're playing...

You should not go through...

No return address.

How long has it been? You two look great. Have you lost weight?

David'll tell you, these hands are magical.

...is fucked on cocaine! KATSOV: I've heard enough.

...gets stuck to a pole. Ha, ha.

You know what? Um, this is my fault.

Ma'am, you seem like a very nice person.

This is just for my stockings.

How has this affected your relationship with your partner, David?

...and I want you to fucking kill them!

[MR. PEREZ GROWLS]

You celebrating a real Christmas or a faux Christmas?!

...you sinking this ball. Not in my house.

It's faux, actually.

HAROLD [IN HINDI]:

Um, are we having a conversation right now, or are you watching A Christmas Story?

KUMAR: Be right there!

ADRIAN: She's crashing hard.

This isn't good.

You like it rough? I can play that way.

You know what Dr. Oz says?

I head down to the nuns' shower room.

God, I hate this...

Forget about her.

HAROLD: Maria's dad will kill me!

...how your people crucified my man. Secondly...

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Getting not low.

...we got to talk about your game.

...asshole teenagers. Then I danced in a Christmas extravaganza.

[WHISPERS] How long are we supposed to stay in here?

I will take care of this. Thank you.

This knot on your back is so hard.

- Is this how we die'? - I think so, dude.

Okay, what happened is that, um...

- How are you? Good to see you. - Oh, hey.

This stupid waffle's stuck.

- You're going a little fast. - I gotta get to this party ASAP.

It was exactly...

Oh, fuck! I'm sorry, dude!

Gonna hit this?

You can do this, man.

I'm pretty sure it's wearing off.

...without further ado...