Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

...the men who violated...

[MOUTHS] Fuck you.

HAROLD: Maria's dad will kill me!

The kids put something in here.

Who's my sidekick? You are.

I'm sorry I was such a dick...

This is just for my stockings.

They're awesome.

That would really be great. Thank you, Carlos.

- You're going a little fast. - I gotta get to this party ASAP.

Getting not low.

Oh. Nothing specific. Just some general stuff.

Clay's the biggest coozehound I know. That guy gets mad gash.

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Am I supposed to feel bad?

Or you prefer Neil?

How has this affected your relationship with your partner, David?

...how your people crucified my man. Secondly...

This stupid waffle's stuck.

KUMAR: Be right there!

...a hot date in the city.

First, we need to steal some tickets.

KUMAR: Ha, ha. Dude, this is awesome!

...is fucked on cocaine! KATSOV: I've heard enough.

What is he doing? What is he doing?

...you sinking this ball. Not in my house.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Clear.

This isn't good.

...gets stuck to a pole. Ha, ha.

Okay, what happened is that, um...

...your friend for a long time. - It is perfectly normal.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

[PROTESTERS CLAMORING]

God, I hate this...

Hey, little guy.

Yes, exactly. Well, get this. She wants me...

David'll tell you, these hands are magical.

You got a great job, you make good money, you don't beat your wife.

I think they're fine. Todd's a big boy.

I don't know what sick game you're playing...

There he is. NPH.

[WHISPERS] How long are we supposed to stay in here?

Meet me at my sleigh in half an hour, okay?

Time-the-fuck-out. How are you still alive?

That's it. That's our tree. It's perfect.

...asshole teenagers. Then I danced in a Christmas extravaganza.

- Is this how we die'? - I think so, dude.

...but I'm cold... Hello?

- No! No, I'm heading out. Ha, ha. - No, we were just... Hi.

...Christmas party...

MADEA [ON TV]: Look at me, look at me!

No return address.

- Come in, come in. Come in. Come on. - Sure.

- I heard it's a fact. - Okay, fine. Theory debunked.

Now I remember.

I will take care of this. Thank you.

[MR. PEREZ GROWLS]

Ha-ha-ha. Of course it is.

...and it is very icy out there.

You know what? Um, this is my fault.

It's spreading. It's spreading!

Gonna hit this?

- I'm so sorry about that. - It's okay.

I head down to the nuns' shower room.

...we got to talk about your game.

LATRELL: I'm sorry.

It's faux, actually.

HAROLD [IN HINDI]:

...and I want you to fucking kill them!

Fuck your tree!

Growing up in Medellin...

Oh, fuck! I'm sorry, dude!

ADRIAN: She's crashing hard.

You celebrating a real Christmas or a faux Christmas?!

How long has it been? You two look great. Have you lost weight?

Hold on. What the hell's going on?

- Maria. I love you. - Ha, ha.

It hurt like hell...

Show him the old Roldy Roll.

It's going to voice-mail.

Okay. Next time.

- It's pink. - Oh, my God.

Aw, come on. You just played it.

That's because you are a kid.

Make every breakfast a Bot-fast.

KUMAR: There's gotta be a freight elevator or something.

I'm pretty sure it's wearing off.

I think I see Uncle Harold over there.

Come with me if you wanna live!

A boom batta, these pockets...

Um, are we having a conversation right now, or are you watching A Christmas Story?

...without further ado...

PROTESTERS [CHANTING]: Wall Street sucks! Wall Street sucks!

I know. But... Look, if you give me another chance...

She said that, yes.

It has to look perfect on Christmas morning.

You can do this, man.

Morty, Kumar, long time.

You're not looking at me.

This knot on your back is so hard.

And I got triple the money.

You like it rough? I can play that way.

We're here to pick up the tree, then we're out of here.

You should not go through...

You know what Dr. Oz says?

Mr. Lee, you don't understand.

Forget about her.

It was exactly...

- How are you? Good to see you. - Oh, hey.

It's just this lie I sort of got caught in.

Ma'am, you seem like a very nice person.