Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Don't pee on me!

...called the Kama Sutra? JESUS: Come on, Neil.

The motherfucking slums that's busted

- All right. - Cheers.

Wu-Tang Clan ain't

...presents to deliver.

You'd like this bag of crack.

That was a misunderstanding.

So she can come down from her trip. Fantastic.

We wish you a merry Christmas

I've been growing her for eight years.

- Isn't that right? ls Grandma a bitch? - No.

...I kind of burned it down.

Dude, relax. It's gonna wear off soon.

I'm just teasing you.

Do they really think we care what poor people think?

I'm guessing...

So I'm just gonna pour a little bit on. Probably gonna sting for a second.

What the fuck that mean?

You're welcome, Kumar.

Why don't you lay on the bed?

You can't back out of Daddy-Daughter Day...

I got a virgin to fuck!

We have to get rid of it before it kills Christmas.

...dude, but if I was you, I would steer clear.

Jonbenet, I'm talking to you, sweetie.

- Two years ago. - So...

Prepare for the winter of your discontent

He's probably putting her to bed or something.

- Good win. - Thanks, kid.

[VANESSA CHUCKLING]

Prepare for the winter of your discontent

...lost their virginity in 7th grade.

It is a G-D shame.

- I... SANTA: Ha, ha. Don't worry.

MADEA: The best revenge you can have on somebody that told you that...

Kumar? You kidding me? I haven't seen that guy in years.

Dude, you're overreacting. There's plenty of tree lots.

Why does it always have to be Gustav?

Three French hens

Daddy-Daughter Day.

MARIA: Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

I know I don't have to.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

...have a long and probably beautiful history together.

You can curse in front of me. Baby's not here.

I can get heartburn without thinking I'm having a stroke.

KUMAR: All right.

I don't know if we should.

Because you weren't brought up...

And the whole family...

...it made me realize how important you are to me.

I Hate Pancakes.

BARTENDER: What can we get for you? NEIL & BARTENDERS: Whiskey.

Dude, it's the balls.

- And I reserved it. - You got it?

I thought weed stunted fertility. That's why I quit.

You owe me a tree, punk.

- Here you go. - Oh, thank you.

...in the world. Let's discuss. - Come on, man!

Yeah. It's gonna be...

Uh, a little woozy.

- Shots. JESUS: Yeah, thanks. Couple of shots.

On, Blitzen! Hyah!

I said step aside.

I know this is your first time, so I'm gonna be extra gentle.

I had Hanukkah Hash, but the kids from Temple Shalom Immanuel cleaned me out.

Kind of like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.

...got nothing on me.

...no idea what they're missing.

Wait, look at this fir.

Get the fuck...

Thank you so much, Mr. Patrick Harris.

Just let me just...

Should we do something?

- It's coming! MAN: Wake up! Wake up!

Yeah, like anyone's gonna believe that.

Wait a second, that's why you quit weed?

Then it's what it looks like.

This is my friend, Todd.

Okay, Daddy's gonna get you changed. Daddy is gonna get you...

That was the only 12-foot Fraser fir left in the fucking state.

[MARIA SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

- And sing at my niece's quinceañera. - All right, I'll sing.

Neil Patrick Harris. My man.

Dude, it's a WaffleBot.

Do you not know...

Who is this toolbox?

It's all a big misunderstanding.

Of course you should.

- Okay, good. Let's go. - Whoo!

Heh. The last time you hit on a chick, you had to ask for her beeper number.

I'll even quit weed if I have to.

Can I play angry black guy this time?

Wanna start? I'll kick your ass...

- In my dressing room, five minutes. - Yes!

...Harold, and Happy New Year!

Just got reserved.

It doesn't taste like semen.

What's up? What are you...?

How do you feel, Mr. Claus?

I'm begging you!

We wish you a merry Christmas

...that a lot of times when I got high...

What do you think we light the gasoline with?

You two have always been good boys.

HAROLD: This douche did.