Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

What the hell is that?

- Get it over with! - All right.

- What are you doing? MARY: Getting you ready.

What's up, blood?

He is, all right? I just... I don't want his shit in my place.

Jesus! Well, then what the hell do...?

TODD: Oh-ho-ho. Okay. Slow it down...

Maria, forget about midnight Mass.

They had one 12-foot fir left.

How do we get out?

ADRIAN: Aw... Glass is sharp. Glass is sharp.

While the nuns are lezzing it out, I'm gonna snag the key to the back room.

- There's some. - Do not give her more!

LOOK AT ALL MYSE PENSIES NOW WE CANT SHOW THIS A CHURCH AAAAAAAAAAA POOP

Let's see how you did on your assignment.

Maybe you should go back to your fancy house...

I should look at the road and you look at me.

Get yourself some mints because your breath is abominable.

I'm addicted to cocaine.

JESUS: Yeah, yeah, for real.

Somebody is also...

- It's pink. - It's a miracle.

Oh, (using censored bad word). Oh, (using censored bad word).

Now she has the giggles.

Maybe that's Todd.

But one week before that first Christmas, while walking home from work...

TODD [WHISPERS]: Are you fucking kidding me?

Thank you for the update. Don't appreciate the language.

We've heard of it, dude. Yeah.

KUMAR: Look, Union Square. Let's hide in that tree.

Well, I don't get scared.

Oh. Thank you. Yeah.

GUY: I'm coming!

All right. Oh, God.

You're just screaming!

HAROLD: I guess. It's extraordinarily...

You never told me Harold was Asian. I always pictured an old white guy.

- Shit. - What?

HAROLD: You got his baby high.

shut your mouth George Oh Luna what did you do you m Luna what did you do you mrs Stephanie Loony said shut your mouth shut we can I believe so shut your mouth don’t give a shit

Oh, this is not good!

I think I found the absolute best gift for your father-in-law.

[CROWD CLAMORING]

I don't know Russian, but he seems a little upset.

- We take the ornaments off, or...? - We could.

...scene from A Christmas Story.

That is the weirdest fucking toy.

That's Vanessa, Todd, Rosenberg, Uncle Yoav.

Um, I know this is gonna be hard for you to believe...

...angry protesters! I just got a huge Christmas bonus...

...a Christmas tree every Christmas from then on.

...create a disaster everywhere he goes.

...she was violently attacked...

Ooh, hold on. I have an idea.

MARIA: Kumar has been...

(A woman sneezing) Ah-choo! Gesundheit. Gezondheid.

Has not accepted you as part of the family?

Pa rum pum pum pum

You better not go soft on me!

[RAPPING] If you want beef, then bring the ruckus

We wish you a merry Christmas

You have the wrong people.

...to have a perfect fucking Christmas.

At a party she's throwing in Manhattan. Best part:

You can't take the fact that Sergei likes me better than you.

Best selection...

It's why I couldn't stay here any more.

TODD: Well, I spy with my little eye...

when u want to rob the car of ur friend

Hook you up with a free WaffleBot? You know what? Take mine.

Unless it looks like I rent your bathroom for homeless people to shit in.

Nothin' to fuck with

BARTENDER: Yeah.

Christmas isn't ruined.

- No. I swear. - Did you do this?

TODD [SINGING] Three French hens

Hold on a second.

What do you want to do about it?

KUMAR: Let's go check it out.

Oh, it's so hard.

...out of my life!

You got my package, right?

- Roldy! - Kumar!

They're out of work. You'd be upset too.

Are you kidding? No guy at school will even touch me.

Of course. I would do anything for you.

We're not gonna do anything.

The sconces are new. Sconces are actually brand-new.

Oh, I almost forgot. Harold, my Uncle Yoav, he threw his back out.

Oh, that's just my dad.

Unless, of course, Mr. Wu-Gang Clams would like to help with some poopy?

How'd you know that?

- How do we get out of these ropes? - WaffleBot.

These are dangerous, but, aw, it's a great workout.

KUMAR: Harold. Wait!

HAROLD: Is this a joke?

Yeah. What the fuck is it to you, motherfucker?

Do you smell something burning?