Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

TODD: Oh-ho-ho. Okay. Slow it down...

Nothin' to fuck with

What's up, blood?

Unless it looks like I rent your bathroom for homeless people to shit in.

Maybe you should go back to your fancy house...

I think I found the absolute best gift for your father-in-law.

Pa rum pum pum pum

JESUS: Yeah, yeah, for real.

TODD: Well, I spy with my little eye...

...create a disaster everywhere he goes.

KUMAR: Harold. Wait!

We wish you a merry Christmas

Somebody is also...

Christmas isn't ruined.

...angry protesters! I just got a huge Christmas bonus...

- We take the ornaments off, or...? - We could.

You have the wrong people.

(A woman sneezing) Ah-choo! Gesundheit. Gezondheid.

[RAPPING] If you want beef, then bring the ruckus

Yeah. What the fuck is it to you, motherfucker?

GUY: I'm coming!

Are you kidding? No guy at school will even touch me.

- Get it over with! - All right.

- No. I swear. - Did you do this?

Oh, that's just my dad.

- Roldy! - Kumar!

You got my package, right?

...out of my life!

BARTENDER: Yeah.

I should look at the road and you look at me.

Ooh, hold on. I have an idea.

when u want to rob the car of ur friend

We've heard of it, dude. Yeah.

We're not gonna do anything.

You never told me Harold was Asian. I always pictured an old white guy.

LOOK AT ALL MYSE PENSIES NOW WE CANT SHOW THIS A CHURCH AAAAAAAAAAA POOP

I don't know Russian, but he seems a little upset.

It's why I couldn't stay here any more.

Maybe that's Todd.

Best selection...

HAROLD: You got his baby high.

All right. Oh, God.

TODD [WHISPERS]: Are you fucking kidding me?

While the nuns are lezzing it out, I'm gonna snag the key to the back room.

...she was violently attacked...

Maria, forget about midnight Mass.

HAROLD: I guess. It's extraordinarily...

These are dangerous, but, aw, it's a great workout.

- It's pink. - It's a miracle.

I'm addicted to cocaine.

...a Christmas tree every Christmas from then on.

Has not accepted you as part of the family?

Oh, it's so hard.

TODD [SINGING] Three French hens

- There's some. - Do not give her more!

Get yourself some mints because your breath is abominable.

Of course. I would do anything for you.

How do we get out?

- Shit. - What?

HAROLD: Is this a joke?

But one week before that first Christmas, while walking home from work...

How'd you know that?

MARIA: Kumar has been...

...to have a perfect fucking Christmas.

Hold on a second.

- How do we get out of these ropes? - WaffleBot.

What the hell is that?

They had one 12-foot fir left.

That is the weirdest fucking toy.

What do you want to do about it?

Oh, this is not good!

Oh, (using censored bad word). Oh, (using censored bad word).

Now she has the giggles.

The sconces are new. Sconces are actually brand-new.

You can't take the fact that Sergei likes me better than you.

He is, all right? I just... I don't want his shit in my place.

KUMAR: Let's go check it out.

Unless, of course, Mr. Wu-Gang Clams would like to help with some poopy?

At a party she's throwing in Manhattan. Best part:

Do you smell something burning?

shut your mouth George Oh Luna what did you do you m Luna what did you do you mrs Stephanie Loony said shut your mouth shut we can I believe so shut your mouth don’t give a shit

Oh. Thank you. Yeah.

They're out of work. You'd be upset too.

Um, I know this is gonna be hard for you to believe...

Well, I don't get scared.

[CROWD CLAMORING]

Hook you up with a free WaffleBot? You know what? Take mine.

That's Vanessa, Todd, Rosenberg, Uncle Yoav.

- What are you doing? MARY: Getting you ready.

KUMAR: Look, Union Square. Let's hide in that tree.

...scene from A Christmas Story.

ADRIAN: Aw... Glass is sharp. Glass is sharp.

You better not go soft on me!

Jesus! Well, then what the hell do...?

Thank you for the update. Don't appreciate the language.

You're just screaming!

Let's see how you did on your assignment.

Oh, I almost forgot. Harold, my Uncle Yoav, he threw his back out.