Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

...with his stupid girlfriend.
Maybe he's been a chode, caring more about bay windows...
Can I get you a beer?
ADRIAN: New plan. Let's bash through the door.
Happens.
KUMAR: Once the coast is clear, we use the key to get into the back room.
I wish I would've realized that sooner.
HAROLD: It's perfect.
When my mother finally moved me to America...
[SNIFFS]
...your profile pic.
HAROLD: Cheers. - Cheers.
Oh, by the way, if anybody asks, I'm Robert Pattinson's acting coach.
He's just playing. How you doing? I'm Latrell.
- Sorry. TODD: If Emma finds out...
[GRUNTS]
...Katsov.
- We saved Christmas, man. KUMAR: Mission accomplished.
Hey, speaking of guests...
...is that? - The Wu-Tang Clan.
[CHUCKLES]
Feels good.
Sex Naked
GUSTAV: Grab it.
I don’t want to sound like a Wimpy pussy
ADRIAN: Dude, look.
These men came in here, I didn't know who they were.
Dude, you baby-whispered her.
Don't call him that, dude. What's up, WaffleBot?
- You know I love you, right? - I think you do.
Real Christmas?
But unfortunately...
[CHATTERING]
Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!
I do it too.
- I don't know why, but I love you. - Thank you.
I take full responsibility. Please leave.
Buddy.
Okay, don't start with this. All right?
...I'd be embarrassed. These trees are ghetto.
Look, don't be alarmed...
...family tradition.
You have outdone yourself.
- I gotta wear those tomorrow. - I know.
...what can I do for you, my burglars of turd?
The only reason I put up with this homo crap is for the p-tang.
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
All right.
- But... - Step aside, please.
Now, before this party...
Vanessa's pregnan...
...to sober up.
MARY: Uh! You fucking...
He)', guys.
MOM: Oh, my God! Billy!
I got nothing against weed, okay?
What is that?
[GUSTAV SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
Daddy.
I am so going to tweet about that. Heh-heh-heh.
...doing that. - Smush that pussy! Unh!
- Yeah. - Yes! You should have led off with that.
- Listen, man, I... - Man, this...
Hey! Enough talk.
Yuri, warm them up.
...neighbor. - Hey, man.
And if you want to be in our family...
Don we now our gay apparel
Oh, God, I ruined your dick!
HAROLD: Hey. Calm down. Calm down.
- Ooh. Bong. - Oh!
- Ooh. How much is that? LATRELL: That tree'? Sorry.
This doesn't concern you!
I don't even see any stamps on this.
Wait, I almost got it.
Letting him have the master bedroom?
OPERATOR: Your call cannot be completed as dialed.
I'll get the rope.
I'm really, really, really sorry!
I'm sorry about him, dude. I...
Dude, come on!
Let me pull my pants up.
That's all. No wonder you flunked out of med school
- The one with the huge clit? - No, not Clitzilla.
I got a buddy picking me up.
[YELLING]
Wait...
- What? - What?
...you're a dream, and I'm having a big wet dream about you.
Happens to the best of us. You up for...
...how we're gonna deal with the Christmas party with all these extra guests.
NPH, ha, ha. You are absolutely bringing the heat, and you are bringing it hard.
...was a young boy in Medellin- - Vanessa's pregnant.
If this guy makes one more lame pun, I'm gonna kill myself.
Well, maybe this'll answer your question.
[GRUNTS THEN GROANING]
[SIGHS]
Done.
[SCREAMING]
- That was you? SANTA: Yeah.
HAROLD: What the hell is this?
JESUS: So, girls...
I'm sorry. I was gonna use the doorbell but I didn't want to wake your parents.
HAROLD: Fuck! Midnight Mass. Is it midnight already? Fucking midnight!
You can't give up yet.
[LAUGHS]
...are you sure you don't wanna invite Kumar?
Shut the fuck up!
MARIA: I've missed you!
Ugh. Ugh.
Who's that?
Oh, Harry, stop!
NARRATOR: Just pop the top, let that batter drop
Can we put on some Wu-Tang?
[BOTH SCREAMING]
Those white boys over there.
...take the tree that we had specifically called and reserved?
Ooh. We'll take it.
We have Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.
Thank you.
BOTH: Shit.
[ON RADIO] Christmas, Christmas
Right in the sugar plums.
Okay, look, this is scalding hot coffee.
- You can't fuck her! - I can't promise.
I'm loving me some Applebee's. I made terrible investments...
Aw, dude, turn in there!