Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Kenneth, it's Christmas.
Running out of time.
Because I wanted you...
This is not about you being high. This is about you being immature.
Oh, this is not good!
We can have the tree?
...all the work, he appreciates it.
KUMAR: Sounds like you're enjoying your new religion.
...you're MIA.
[FINGERS CRACK]
TODD: Freeze! This is a robbery. Give me all your friendship.
All right, that is it. Hey, snowman!
It was my little way of bringing you boys back together.
I got the munchies.
No, no, no. No, you skedaddle.
Sir, if I may. This is all a big...
- I'm sorry. - Fuck!
We'll make it work. We have plenty of room.
But real talk...
Look. We are...
When was the last time you saw this guy?
They say that singing is...
We can find people.
You ruined my Christmas, man!
I think that they got me drunk.
SQUIRREL: Mmm.
HAROLD: If you knew Maria's dad...
By the way, for what it's worth...
You always do that. You keep doing it. It's crazy.
- Oh, shit! HAROLD: What the fuck, Kumar?
Giant Penis.
- It's opposite. - Watch out!
Wu-Tang Clan, Todd.
HAROLD: Come on.
[THUDS]
Watch your step, it's icy there.
Because what makes Maria happy is what makes me happy.
The more I think about it, the more excited I am.
Oh, great.
She told me earlier today. My reaction was not awesome.
I thought that would knock you out, obviously.
- What? Oh, shit! - No! No!
Where'd you learn to dance, honey?
Why does he look...
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
- Snoopy Sno-cone Machine. - Done.
HAROLD: Maybe if we catch up to them, they'll sell the tree to us.
Please, please, please. There is a very serious gas crisis...
Yeah, definitely, man. I think there was something in the eggnog.
After all we've been through with that guy, he better.
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
Yeah, maybe one of you fucks up every now and again.
You're pregnant?
Your coke baby has superpowers.
Shit!
Then why the hell would you buy a faux tree?
Hmm?
Those guys weren't kidding. We're in the middle of nowhere.
I don’t want to sound like a Wimpy pussy
I mean, I pulled out and came on your back.
padhai me man nahi lagta Kya kare
America's sweetheart!
- Great. Okay, great. Bye. We're good. - Please hang up...
And, Mr. Lee, I think you're gonna be really pleased.
Wait, wait, wait! What the hell are we doing?
NARRATOR: Get the Christmas
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
Oh. Jinx.
Oh, shit.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Smiled at me
- No. - Okay, good.
[YELLS]
Waffles are awesome. Pancakes suck, right?
- How you doing? - Good to see you too. Good.
Aw, come on.
- What? - I just felt...
I didn't see her.
[HAROLD GRUNTS THEN CHUCKLES]
It's the coffee at the shelter.
Fuck you!
Ah! Guess that holy water didn't wash everything off, now did it?
What?
That's Sergei...
Mm, mm. Ha-ha-ha. Hey. How about that?
- With ethnic items that he might need? - I did.
Big house, lot of bathrooms.
I was gonna split the profits with you...
I don't know, I kind of wanna see what happens next.
WaffleBot, look at me.
Okay.
We brought the tree all the way down.
Don't fucking spit on my dick!
It's, um...
...in hell...
You showed me you got cojones.
It smells like shit in here.
Oh, my God.
I know. That's strange.
Thanks. Couldn't do it without the little people.
Um...
Sorry doesn't pop my cherry.
The morphine. It'll wear off.
When you told me you were pregnant, I admit I was scared as shit.
Can you untie us?
NIKKI: I'm not smart like the other kids. I can't do that stuff.
...kill them. Kill them all!
[MUFFLED GRUNTING]
Fucking actors.
It's Harold, actually.
...et cetera?
Hey, hey, look at that. NPH, Neil Patrick Harris.
What else have you been doing behind my back?
While everyone's trying to turn the power on...
And every Christmas...
Look, Santa, we're so sorry.
- Rosenberg. - Goldstein?
MR. PEREZ: It's okay, baby.
REPORTER: Neil, Neil, Neil, Dan Frye.
Aah! And it really, really hurts.
Is that too much?
I'm sure they're fine, right?
Somebody is gonna...
Uh, not exactly.
KUMAR: What is this? Kwanzaa Cookout.
Come on, please? Come on!
No, no, no!
- Oh, my God. GUY: Oh, I'm coming!
Why are you calling Harold?
You hurt my brother!
...couldn't handle this. - I'm sorry.
Sure, no problem.
- Wake up. - Oh.
Ava! Scooch to Daddy! Hide behind Daddy!
NEIL: So, ladies, have you ever heard of something...
SANTA: Just let me die, please!
I've been texting you.
You got a package that came for you at the apartment. So I was dropping it off.
- We have a van... - I got it.
No. Gained. Quite a bit, actually. This is a really nice house.